I’ve had enough

I’m 33 years old and I weigh 268.8 pounds.

I have never said that out loud nor have I even written it down. My shame and loneliness lies in how I view my body and myself. I am confident when others need me to be. I am smart and loyal and kind to everyone but me.

A long time ago I stopped loving myself and the weight just climbed aboard and never left. It has been 15 years of diets and weight loss pills and starving myself to drop 10 and gain 20. I am tired. I am tired of the body aches and the back aches in the morning. I am tired of being alone and refusing to buy bigger close because I hate the size that I see.

I am tired of being the pretty girl with the personality. I am ready set eat my self free. My mind and body are laughing at me now saying ‘we have heard his crap before’

But I’m fed up of taking a seat in the back. I am afraid of only taking head shot pics because I despise the neck below. I however am thankful I am healthy inspire of it all, and would never change that for anything. But my knees can’t carry this weight around anymore. I need to start now before I kill myself under this weight.

W.

I fantasize about being a size six and how life would magically be what I need to be. But I’m afraid of the work. I am afraid to put my all in it.

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