What I want you to know

What’s your story baby girl? Tell me and I will tell the world:

My story is long, yet very short in words. I grew up in a large family. Being the 5th child I was often forgotten or not focused on as much. My parents where foreign, and it was hard raising 7 kids in a new country. I don’t blame them at all. I can’t imagine moving my whole world to a new country and starting over as an adult. I learned very quickly when I was younger that if I told people what they wanted to hear, they would like me more. I agreed with friends and followed them and listened to them and always made sure to focus on them. That’s how I got people to really like me. I payed attention to guys when I was a teenager and I lied and said I adored them and went out of my way to stroke their egos so that they would love me. But the minuet I stopped, is when it with all fall apart. As I got older, I got tired of putting on the mask. Of always trying to please people and I started to isolate myself. When I get tired of people using me and only loving me for my ‘people pleasing self’ I realized I needed more to life. I knew I never had authentic relationships with anyone, not even with any of my own siblings. I was always hiding under a mask or a fake smile. I woke up recently and i guess I have been trying to wake up for sometime now. I am more than just this mask. I am a person and at 33 years if life I’m shedding it all and discovering who I really am. In this process I’ve lost friendships that where one sided. I’ve let go of toxic relationships that were not serving me. I’ve stop reaching for the phone when I’m lonely and I have started to care more about my feelings than before. It’s like I’m a whole new person. Let’s see where this takes me. I was never good at loosing weight, maybe now I’ll feel skinnier on the inside when I shed this emotionally dead weight.

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