I woke up this morning and noticed my car was leaking oil all over my drive way and then my check engine light came on. This is the last thing I needed this week. I guess The universe is handing out curve balls. Here is life testing me once again.
This happened after last night I realized I needed to go back to my therapist. I needed to get this Demond from controlling my life. Just thinking about them has me crying. I can’t continue to keep hiding from them or letting them control me.
I’m not one to question why things happen as I truly do believe every thing happened for a reason. But what reason could there possibly be to let a child get hurt. I don’t understand it and I always use food to shutdown this feelings and thoughts and questions. But I refuse to do that today, so instead I sit here crying for the childhood I lost and the last 20 years I spent eating my feelings away.
We shal see how the rest of the day pans out after this episode. Sometimes I wish I was brave enough to reach out to a friend or a family member, but these baby steps is all I can manage right now. The fact that I didn’t go out and by a Coke and bag full of sugary crap is a blessing on its own.