Today was the beginning of my new life. If you new my last life, you may not have seen any differences unless you looked very close at my thoughts. Today I made it a point to write how I felt every time I thought about food. I looked and searched at my thoughts hard.
I didn’t really realize until today how much energy I spent on thinking about food, obsessing about food and leaning to food. Just being conscious of my thoughts was a big eye opener. When I was in a stressful situation after lunch and I began thinking of the worst outcome, I had this tension in my shoulders and that’s when the food thoughts were running through my head. I needed something to eat so I could go back to being numb again. Instead, i took a deep breath and wrote on a sticky note my fears and my positive self talk. I was surprised at how my mood started to come back up to normal. Another thing I made sure to do….is eat my food slowly and with purpose. Before I didn’t really pay attention to all the flavors or textures of the food I put in my mouth. Instead it was all about just filling myself up with anything until I couldn’t feel any emotion. Today I actually felt full at lunch and a bit exhausted chewing my lunch.
I know today was a good day. A day when I have yet to have a binge episode. But everybody has to start somewhere and just being aware of the effect my emotions has on how much I consume food was a small victory today. I don’t plan to get rid off this excess body weight over night, but one day at a time.
Day one of my new life….we’re I’m no longer addicted to food and I can have a meal because I’m hungry and not just because I’m suffocating my emotions.