I’m killing myself with food and I don’t know how to stop. I have gotten help before but it never works out for me. I can’t seem to find the parts I need to click in my brain to wake up from this food coma I’m in. I actually think it’s an obsession with food. The first thing on my mind when I wake up is food and then all day everything else is around food. I don’t know how I got here, the past 7 months have been a lot worse. I’m 286lbs!!!!! A year ago I was 250! And 5 months before that I was 225lbs! I’m miserable! I fantasize about weight loss surgery but that won’t fix me! It’s a mental thing for me. I need to bring these Demond’s of mine to light and only then can I tackle the negative self talk and finally get rid of this weight! I’m now starting to see I don’t really love myself. Would someone who loved themselves consume 4000 calories a day?! Im fat and alone and I can do a fantastic job hiding it all with a smile and everyone is none the wiser. I’m waiting for something……something significant to hit me and shake me out of this daze. I can’t continue to wake up with body aches and feel numb. I’m just going through the motions of life, I don’t know the last time I was actually awake and present for my life. I need help…..I need to wake up…..but it’s so hard!