So again I had an average day yesterday, but it was definitely better than my binge fiasco on Tuesday. I did really well in staying focused on how I was feeling and how in return it was effecting my eating. I also did something that I haven’t done in for a while and that was to pray to God. That opened up the flood gates for me and it was also such a relief to sometimes let go off my worries and feelings and trust that something bigger than me is orchestrating everything. I definitely believe in the power of prayer and practicing gratitude, but sometimes life gets in the way and I don’t put either of those things at the fore front.
I woke up this morning feeling good that I had went to bed early, because Jay and I didn’t talk last night. But then I woke up to a sweet text message from him at 5am saying he was thinking of me and wishing me a beautiful day. What girl doesn’t enjoy waking up to a ‘Good morning beautiful’ text message. He sure does know how to make me smile and that simple act set my morning off in a great direction. Yes I was a little frustrated that some of my clothes were a little snug on me when I was trying to get dressed, but it only made me determined. Then when I was on my break this morning I came across this article girl who lost 190lbs over a period of a year all by herself without any professionally help. Then I started to think, she just a normal, average young adult who one day was tired of living with all the horrible side effects of obesity and she decided to do something about it. She didn’t fall for the gimmicks of 30lbs in 30 days or set herself un realistic goals. All she wanted to do was live to be 30 years old and not be achy or feel tired constantly. Were I always go wrong is I have really fallen for the unrealistic approach to weight loss. I am motivated when I start seeing quick results on the scale, only to give up 2 weeks into it because I’m miserable by how I got there.
I don’t have to start tomorrow or start working out 4 hours a day like I did that one time when I lost 40lbs. I just need to make better choices day by day and make small goals that I can achieve in the long run. Yes I would love to walk into a store and not have to worry about if they carry my size clothes. I just want to wake up and feel energetic and healthy of the bat, without any additional assistance from my Starbucks. I want to go for a hike and not feel out of breath or have my thighs rub together. I would LOVE to walk into a coffee shop and not feel so self-conscious or so aware of my size that I start to feel panicked inside that everyone is looking at me. I want to date a guy and not be aware of my size when he hugs me takes my hand. The amount of energy I use to get my self through all off these things I could use to focus on writing that novel I’ve dreamt about since I was a little girl.
I just want my body not to control me and dictate who, what and were I go. So today I will start to lay the small bricks into building a better life for myself. Yes this is very daunting, but what makes me any less capable than some of these amazing humans that have over come their food addiction and body image issues.
I am worthy and I am enough.