Alone again

  

So glad the work week is over and it’s finally the weekend. I love the idea of the weekend more than the actuall weekend. Weekends for me are when I search my phone for people to hang out with. A few years ago I had my siblings and my ex-husband to spend my time with. Even last summer I had my  ex-boyfriend who I hanged out with every weekend. Today though, I woke up super early and went for an hour long power walk.  It was so beautiful outside and I was actually starting to sweat. After I got done with that, I grabbed an iced coffee and my mood was so high and happy. I for sure thought this day was off to a fantastic start.

I really wanted to get my ends trimmed and get a blowout. I walked into the salon without an appointment and got in right away. How could this day get any worse right? Once I got home, I knew I had a lot of laundry and cleaning to do, so I jumped right in and got cracking. Nothing makes me clean faster than listening to some Beyoncé! 

Once I was able to get all of that done, I realized it was only 3:30pm! And I had nothing to do and nobody to hang out with. I started texting a few friends to see what they were upto, but as of yet nobody has gotten back to me. This is getting a bit old for me. I am getting super tired of being a lone. No man and no full time bestie or girlfriend who I can hang out with whenever. Most of my recent friends I have made through work and they all have significant others or kids they need to spend time with. 

This is what causes me to over eat on the weekends. Boredom!!!!! I have before gone to a coffee shop to eat or go to the shops, but the thing is I don’t do well with boredom shopping either. I over indulge when I’m bored. This is also when my thoughts become bitchy!! Earlier I was thinking, if I wasn’t so Fat I would have been married and have lots of friends to hang with. Instead of constantly being aware of my body size, I would have enough energy to focus on making relationships work. Of course I don’t let my thoughts consume me, but can a girl atleast see if the grass in fact greener on the other side. 

I was going to jump on my treadmill in the basement, until I realized its missing the magnet key to turn it on. One of my siblings misplaced it. I could go outside to take a walk, but then I would be consumed by thoughts again. I just want to be in the company of others and be entertained. I just want to get out of my bubble and be around people I enjoy. That’s not a lot to ask, but why is it so difficult for me to achieve? Why am I permanently stuck in this alone state of life? What did I do to deserve this?

G.

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