Not today

  

 I tried really hard today to move past from yesterday. I feel like just as I have my mind in the right frame to move in a positive direction, people start to mess with me. I was pretty sure in life to do good by others thus far, but that doesn’t explain why the universe is trying to F with me constantly. I just want to be happy and healthy.

I was doing really good most of yesterday. It probably had a lot to do with still feeling giddy about the new guy I’m talking to. I ended up having a really good talk therapy with my counselor and then it went all down hill from there. My mother and I got into this argument, most of our arguments with my mother end with no resolution.  She still continues to try to fit me in this little box of hers were I’m helpless and fragile and that I should need her. I love her deeply but is it but that I don’t like her at times? She’s super needy and always plays these mind tricks were she manipulates the argument were you start to think you were actually at fault. Don’t get me started on trying to tell her that I’m an adult and perhaps she shouldn’t try to medel so much in my life, but in her eyes, I’m just rude, argumentative and ungrateful.

I left the argument unfinished and sad. She doesn’t understand how to not make everything not be about her. So I expect not to have a conversation with her for atleast the next couple of days. 

Then last night, as I was going through my messages I got a voicemail from Mr.”let’s be friends because I can’t offer you anymore”. He said he missed me and to give him a call. Are you serious????? Is this really happening? Did I fall into the twilight zone or did I just have the conversation in my own head. I just deleted the voicemail and just left it at that. There is no space to make sense of him. It is what it is.

The highlight was talking to my Match.com guy. We had another 2 hour conversation. This time before we called it a night, he asked if I maybe wanted to grab coffee this weekend. I’m a little hesitant, but also hopefull since we have great chemistry over the phone. He’s just so down to earth and easy to talk to. I especially like how he makes it a point to text me good morning and call me in the evening to see how my day was. It shows effort and interest on his part. I’m almost looking forward to tonight’s phone call, but again I’m trying not to get too caught up in this thing. I want to just enjoy the process of getting to know him. 

Let’s hope Tuesday ends on a brighter note

G.

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