Tonight’s just one of those nights when my feelings try to get the best of me. I went out after work earlier with girls I work with to grab a bite to eat. We has such a blast letting lose and catching up. It was all fun and games until we were all leaving and everyone was telling me who they were going home to or out with. Then it hit me, I’m going home alone to nobody. I don’t have a significant other to call up and cuddle with.
So I called up my other girlfriends and of course they were either busy or too tired to do something. Yes it sucks! And I’m here alone, watching netflixs, but this is a temporary situation. If I give my feelings of loneliness and sadness any fuel they will spread like wildfire. Instead I went onto Instagram and read through a lot of the ‘Humans of New York posts‘. Seeing others in far worse situations than my own makes me feel stupid and a little childish. I know everyone’s feelings are valid, but tonight I needed to read that mine were minuscule compared to others. The suffering of others has a harsh way of waking me up from the fixated self loathing I sometimes engage myself in.
Instead of wallowing away in my bed in the darkness, I started to write. I can’t hope that my life will change overnight, I just have to make my life whatever it maybe today. I dwell on things that I can’t control. Having and nurturing relationships is not best suit. But I am a kind hearted person who feels deeply for those who are less fortunate and are in suffering. I just need to cultivate this compassion to my own life. I need to care for myself a little more, and be gentle with my heart and soul. I need to understand that I am a work in progress and that things don’t happen over night. A Little more love and understanding is gonna go along way tonight.
Here is to finding my own inner peace and practicing gratitude every minute of every day.