Every Sunday night I fall asleep with a list in my head of all the things I will do starting Monday to start this train of change I want to jump on.The list is long, but it’s a list I believe will make me a better person. When in reality nothing in that list is going to make me better until I get rid off or shed these childhood struggles I carry around everywhere.
The sad thing is though, everyday I wake up and I’m grateful for this second chance I get to try again. To try today to truly make connections with people, to eat less junk, to move a little more and sweat. To shut that negative voice up for good. But sometimes it all seems doable, like the very 1st hour I’m super motivated and excited to make these changes and today will be the 1st day of the rest of my life.
But that day hasn’t come yet and I’ve been trying for a good part of the past two years for that day to come. I’m not a lazy person, I just know how to compartmentalize a lot of things in my life so that I can function day to day. Without this life skill I’m pretty sure people would be able to see right through me and realize how much emotional baggage I was lugging around for well over half of my life.
So today when I woke up and that same feeling of change and new beggings had hit me, I realized that this tape on repeat is really getting old. Today I want to just be authentic in my feelings. That if I feel sad at any point to just let my self feel it instead of eating my feelings away and trying to suppress it. That if I feel stressed or frustrated to maybe walk it off or reach out for my journal and write my feelings away.
Just maybe if I focus on changing one old habit, I can slowly conjure up this train to finally come. Hopefully when I climb back into bed tonight to look back on my day, I won’t be as disappointed. Here is to a productive, emotionally low stress day.
Have a great day.