The 1st stage of my meltdown

So I went to bed miserable last night. I ate my feelings in chocolate and Cheetos of all things. I mean you would think by now I would know better. I literally felt full, but still continued to shove my face. What was I sad about you may ask? Well a combination of things…..the most important one being I’m so bored with the life I’m leading right now. I want more…..not of things or money but more passion in my life. I have a job that is mundane and does not get any special as the weeks roll on by, I’m dating a guy or at least I think I’m dating him since I rarely talk to him or txt and he only calls when he is summoning me to his place. I am numb right now. I have no idea which direction to move to, I only know to eat my feelings away and perhaps a little sleep might make me feel better. I NEED HELP. I need the kind of help a motivational speaker can jazz up inside me. What can I do that doesn’t require me regretting it later. Perhaps this good girl image needs to be torn down In Order for me to get somewhere in life. I’m not depressed or sad I’m just numb! How have I lived 30 years without wanting to change me. This morning I read an article on what foods make you look older and it had every food I eat on there. Why on gods green earth can’t I seem to get anything right??? I have no voice and I also have no willpower. Two big things that are needed on this train of change I want to jump on. The worst part is everyone sees me as someone who has her shit together. Well I clearly don’t. I am having a major freak out party on the inside. I just have this ridiculous notion that people should not be privy to your meltdowns. Or as Brene Brown put it a ‘Spiritual Awakening’. I wake up every morning with such enthusiasm that today will be the day I begin to do something in life I’m passionate about. As my first cup of coffee hits me I self talk myself into why it’s irresponsible of me to do half of the things I would love to do without putting myself before my responsibilities. So what now? What now can I do?



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